So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
