Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
