sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
