At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
