You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
