I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
