I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
