did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i am craving dick and cupcakes
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
