i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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