Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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