Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
