You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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