you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he wants to bone in the snuggie
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
