adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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