i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
