Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
