New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I want to fling myself into the sun
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
