Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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