I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
