haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
