it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
