Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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