No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
