I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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