i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
