So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He better not be in your backpack
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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