There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
