Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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