at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
