fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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