Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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