just come out here and I will go home with you...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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