I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
