Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
