I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
