it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
