At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
