I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
