i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Randomize
