So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
