she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
In other news, I just burned my penis
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
