why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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