The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We need a shit load of segways right now
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
