Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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