i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
