i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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