it hurts more in the daytime
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
