There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
