Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
