I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
