the condom got lost in my hair
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
