I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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